Give Me Back My Sanity- (Self-cest)
by Shade-the-destroyer
Summary: My friend asked me to write a self-cest fic for Hetalia so I wrote one. DONT LIKE DONT READ. Spain has been having dreams about a tyrant who used to rock the seas.


Give Me Back My Sanity- (Self-cest)

(Antonio's POV)-

I've been having identity problems and it's really bothering me. I never found myself so attractive, well, not until he came. Spain. Yes, him. The _Jefe_ of España itself. He's been so annoying lately. It's just so orgasmic sometimes. Having him around. I know it's wrong but I couldn't help it because I was Antonio and he was a heartless, merciless tyrant. Yet, in some other time we were just one person. But I sometimes think that we're two people sharing the same face and body yet not sharing the same thought and emotion.

I've been touching myself lately. I knew he could see or hear what I thought and that I couldn't hide anything from him but he doesn't seem to mind, as he urges me to continue this seemingly forbidden fantasy. I couldn't help it and I want it to stop but it's like a drug and it won't leave me alone as long as I live.

I also can't help thinking about his feelings for Roderich. Roderich, I love him. But not as much as "he" loves him. He's practically obsessed with him.

Today, I drank this liquid potion that I bought from Mexico. Sure, Mexi is a dangerous place but I didn't care. It was called the "Real Fantasy" potion.

I knew it had something to do with forbidden and impossible possibilities like this one so I took the chance. I drank the liquid just before I slept. It was tasty and also acidic. It kind of hurt my throat when I decided to swallow it whole. I hope it's not a fraud. I might come out as desperate, that's really bad. What will everyone say to me?

I woke up in a dark and gloomy room. I panicked as I couldn't see anything until a faint light lit the whole area. I couldn't see anything else except that. Until, well, those green eyes appeared. Those familiar slits that give off such an alluring aura. The broken grin, the tanned skin. I knew there was only one person except me that could have that and that is... _Jefe España- El Diablo de la agua Pacifico._

I stared at his eyes, longing for his touch. I always wanted to feel him. He has those strong arms. The sharp senses and the ability to understand every little thing that only I can understand. To have that ability is amazing.

He crept closer to me. He looked at me with those beady and evil eyes. A twisted grin imprinted on his face. It's been a long time since I saw this face. I'm scared again. I couldn't see his face since I could only hear his voice. Very decieving indeed.

"_Mi Antonio, cómó estás?"_ His voice is comforting but his face scares me out of my skin. No wonder he was one of the most feared men before. His face explains his actions much better than his voice does, it's just so physical. It's so creepy sometimes.

I didn't want to look at him, I quickly ran towards him, clinging onto his broad and chiseled chest. I placed my head there and buried my face, hoping that he won't push away or attempt to murder me. Even if this is just a dream, it just seems so real sometimes that it scares me.

I heard him chuckle. The chuckle was indeed so deep, and I was quailing. I was literally scared of the boss. I am the boss, I know I am, but I'm not as insane or as dissolved as this one. His mind practically dispersed and made him deranged. He is mentally ill.

"_Mi Antonio... Mi niño hermoso..."_ He gripped my chin and tilted my head up, just enough for me to see his glowing emerald eyes. They were petrifying. And all I could do was stare at them, paralyzed and unable to make any actions of denial.

He kissed me, the kiss burning with passion. The kiss was sloppy and he was very dominant. Very agressive, he wanted it his way, and scratched my back causing my mouth to open in which he put his tongue in.

Tears rolled down my eyes, the pain was incredible. The pleasure was escasty. The bittersweet taste of this mixture, it was unbearable for me and I was already starting to get very hard.

"_Mí Capítán,_" I moaned out as the boss snaked his hands under my shirt. He moved his head to my collarbone and started kissing me there. Licking sometimes to make me moan. His tongue was licking it and teeth were bruising the skin but I couldn't push him off, and I have no will power left to deny my own self.

He smirked and kissed me in the forehead.

I felt him fall on top of me as I was thrown on the ground. And in a blink of an eye, I was bare and stark naked. I felt him kiss my chest, down to my stomach, down to my...

I looked down on him with the eyes of a captive victim.

He smirked and grinned at me before he laughed violently and enveloped my cock with his warm mouth.

"_Mi cápítán! No deségene, por favor." _I screamed out as he pulled back licking the slit again, moving downwards, he bobbed his head up and down.

He smiled as the gooey liquid ushered down his mouth in which he swallowed a fair amount of it, a few drops trickled down his mouth. Licking his lips, removing some that stained his mouth. He smiled maniacally doing so.

My cheeks were burning red and I have the feeling that the boss is vey happy of every helpless moan I offer to him. It's like I'm feeding him. And he absolutely loves it, yearns for it, _desires_ it.

He crawled towards me, crushing me under his weight, nails bared to hurt me as he crawled. Canines erected just to clarify who was dominating here. He stopped at my neck and nuzzled his head there. Before biting it violently and lapping the blood that gushed out from the punctured wound.

All I could do was scratch his back wounding it slightly. Then scream out his name. I sought for this pleasure. For days, I've imagined it just like how it is now.

He stopped and kissed me on the lips. Licking them for entrance which I gave with no denial. His warm tongue connected with mine, fighting for dominance which the boss always won. The kiss turned out sloppy but I- we didn't want it to stop but then sooner or later _I_ had to stop for air. A string of saliva connected our two mouths. He licked my lips removing the string, as he smiled.

The boss removed himself from me, and scratched a line of blood on his right hand. It was erotic yet disgusting to see it gush down.

"Turn around _mi querido_." I quickly turned around.

The boss began to spread me open and lubricate me. One nail bared just to wound me in my inside. I screamed in pain as the nail stared digging through my hole. He added another bared finger there and made me scream more. The boss didn't even comfort me, and I was feeling heart-brokened. I was in so much pain. I knew I couldn't complain, he was _always_ a selfish man.

Somehow he understood and removed all the fingers he previously stuffed in. Both of the fingers heavily stained in deep red. I felt wet behind, blood gushing out. I knew it was blood.

He licked his fingers clean, as he kissed my back with gentle kisses. From top to bottom, making me moan as more tears rolled down my cheeks. Taking time to lick some of the most sensitive spots I try to desperately to hide.

"_Jefe... Gracías..."_ He looked at me with the same insane eyes, before closing them to kiss under he reached my hole again, in which he slipped his tongue in.

I moaned his name again, as he continued thrusting his tongue in, licking the wounds he had previously created inside. I blushed, the pain and pleasure were so good.

I felt him leave my hole. But this I felt another thing. More pain, very hurtful. I cried more, but he rubbed my sides, hoping to relieve me from the overlapping pain.

I felt him thrust inside of me, and I groaned in pain. Blood gushed out like water out of the faucet.

I smiled, but I knew I was in intense pain. The boss was struggling to make me comfortable, but he couldn't seem to hit it and I was in torture for the past few hours until he finally hit it.

I moaned.

"_Jefe... "_ I moaned out, and he understood, hitting the spot again and again.

I smiled at more tears and sweat rolled down from my face. The boss thrusting in and out, in a reccurring motion. Faster each and everytime I make the slightest squeak. His nails were digging my sides.

He flipped me over so that he could see my face, one eye covered my my auburn colored hair. He kissed me, but I was too tired to kiss back. He moved his head to the spot in the neck he previously wounded. He licked it and bit it again, making me scream. I'm in the verge of not understanding if I'm in pain or too much pleasure.

His thusts became faster and swifter as he closed his eyes. I smiled knowing that the boss must be close. Later on after a few more thrusts, I finally came. Hitting his chest and my chest. It was not long until the boss came too inside of me. The warmness enveloping in the burning passion that we shared.

He fell on top of me, kissed me on the forehead and rolled off to my side.

"_Antonio. Gracías Antonío..."_ The boss said, kissing me again.

"I love you, _mí capítán._" I proclaimed.

He grinned and pushed me near his chest, stroking my hair.

"_Sí, té amo._" He said as hugged me, closing his eyes. And for once with the boss, I felt like I was safe despite his demonic presence.

When I woke up, every part of my body hurt.

I scratched my head as I looked at where I am.

I was in my bed, dressed in white clothes.

"Spain, you were unconscious for days." Francis said to me, shockig me as he opened the door.

"Really? Why _amigo?_" I asked.

"You were bleeding and screaming in you sleep, _mon cheri_."

I became silent. Did it really happen, did I really spend one day with the boss. Why am I even thinking this? This is so impossible. How can this happen? I need to stop thinking about this. Gosh, give me back my sanity boss. Let me rest for a while. Did that really happen?

END.

Translations:

Jefe= Boss

España= Spain

Jefe España- El Diablo de la agua Pacifico= Boss Spain- The Devil of the Pacific water.

Mi Antonio, cómó estás?= My Antonio, how are you?

Mi Antonio... Mi niño hermoso...= My Antonio... My beautiful boy...

_Mi Capítán_= My captain.

Mi cápítán! No deségene, por favor.= My captain! Don't stop, please!

_mi querído_= My dear

Gracías= thank you

Té amó= I love you

Sí= Yes

_Mí Amígo= _My Friend

Mon cherí= My darling


End file.
